would a towel kill you?

It was almost exactly one year ago that I wrote about my gym experience in Salt Lake City. I know what you're thinking: "Typical. She joins a gym every January and then blogs about it to advertise the fact that she's exercising." First of all, how dare you? Second of all, yes. Exactly.

I'm exercising. At the University "Gymnasium." It's close by and has all the equipment I need and I'm allowed to wear my headband. But there is one thing I'm finding a bit... off-putting about this new place and it's the NUDITY. Not like naked treadmilling, just like naked locker-rooming. Normally naked people in the locker room don't bother me. I mean, sometimes people just have to get nude.

But in my experience, it's the old saggies who are most often going skins. This is well-documented, right? The whole, "it's the people you DON'T want to see naked who get naked" observation. Well, I disagree. My experience at the new gym has shown me that when I'm in a brightly-lit room lined with mirrors, and there's a chance I'm going to have to take my pants off, I'd MUCH rather be surrounded by the old & saggy than by the young & toned.

And that's what this gym has tons of: naked fit people. Swimmers and gymnasts and people who run on the treadmill AND THEN get on the elliptical AND THEN do abs. These people are not effing around. AND THEY'RE NUDE. Possibly at the locker next to mine, putting lotion on their muscles. They're just hanging around without their tiny clothes on, doing their best at making me feel lumpy.

Last week, I noticed an older woman (faculty?) with hairy armpits and long, talon-like toenails, and instead of being grossed out, I actually tried to make eye contact with her, hoping a moment of "can you believe all these naked athletes?" understanding would pass between us. I can't be the only person who is thinking: come on, people. Put some clothes on. No one wants to see that.