would a towel kill you?

Monday, January 26, 2009

It was almost exactly one year ago that I wrote about my gym experience in Salt Lake City. I know what you're thinking: "Typical. She joins a gym every January and then blogs about it to advertise the fact that she's exercising." First of all, how dare you? Second of all, yes. Exactly.

I'm exercising. At the University "Gymnasium." It's close by and has all the equipment I need and I'm allowed to wear my headband. But there is one thing I'm finding a bit... off-putting about this new place and it's the NUDITY. Not like naked treadmilling, just like naked locker-rooming. Normally naked people in the locker room don't bother me. I mean, sometimes people just have to get nude.

But in my experience, it's the old saggies who are most often going skins. This is well-documented, right? The whole, "it's the people you DON'T want to see naked who get naked" observation. Well, I disagree. My experience at the new gym has shown me that when I'm in a brightly-lit room lined with mirrors, and there's a chance I'm going to have to take my pants off, I'd MUCH rather be surrounded by the old & saggy than by the young & toned.

And that's what this gym has tons of: naked fit people. Swimmers and gymnasts and people who run on the treadmill AND THEN get on the elliptical AND THEN do abs. These people are not effing around. AND THEY'RE NUDE. Possibly at the locker next to mine, putting lotion on their muscles. They're just hanging around without their tiny clothes on, doing their best at making me feel lumpy.

Last week, I noticed an older woman (faculty?) with hairy armpits and long, talon-like toenails, and instead of being grossed out, I actually tried to make eye contact with her, hoping a moment of "can you believe all these naked athletes?" understanding would pass between us. I can't be the only person who is thinking: come on, people. Put some clothes on. No one wants to see that.


Miss Brecken said...

I have made the same observation... I love the steam room but I can't go in there with the three naked 90 lbs skinny minnies.

Then one day I saw a guy come out of the men's locker room with a huge shock rock feathered gray hair do, wearing a purple muscle shirt, and silver spandex shorts. I keep going in hopes that I will see him again, because he was lovely.

becky said...

never EVER make eye contact in the locker room while nude.

I'm A said...

Don't even get me started!! Who are these naked locker room people?! I feel like the Golds Gym that I go to in SLC has the same problem. Like I need to see a bunch of naked, hiarless, tanned, toned, muscular bodies. In the middle of January. Damn them. Damn them all to hell. I think I need a pizza.

The Bruces said...

I wish I could remember what a gym locker room looked like...it's been too long. At least you made it back at the beginning of January. I've been meaning to do that this month, but so far no such luck.

Jill said...

I have been laughing about this all week. I love your commentary and the truth of it.

katie said...

I totally thought about this post when I was at the gym this week. Luckily, I just have saggy nudes but even that is weird for me, not having spent a lot of time in gym locker rooms in the past. mostly just wanted to tell you that i loved this post. it was so funny.