not yet hot, but a tiny bit bothered


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I need some help. I tried to do a little shopping for summer clothes last week and I know this is going to come as a total shock, but none of the fashions spoke to me. When it comes to warm weather duds, I have a pretty restrictive set of criteria:

1. Shirts: Must have sleeves (not cap, not 3/4 length, not restrictive in any way).
2. Skirts: Must be knee length or slightly longer. No pencil. No denim.
3. No heather gray. Nothing screams "I have a mild-to-moderate sweating problem" like a heather gray t-shirt in mid-July.
4. No shorts. Not ever.
5. No cargo pockets.
6. No excessive layering required. If I have to wear something under/over it, it's going to be too hot.
7. Fabrics: Lightweight but not sheer.
8. No white pants. They look great on you. I, on the other hand, look like a husky nurse.
9. No nude hues. I don't want people to wonder from a distance, "is that girl wearing pants?"
10. Capris: A very tricky and possibly necessarily evil. Shorts are out of the question and pants are too hot... but how to choose the right leg? Are wide leg capris best for people with wide legs? Or should I counteract said wideness with skinny leg capris? By the way, the answer to both of these questions is EMPHATICALLY NO. Which leaves me with... what?

And don't even get me started on shoes. You already know where this is going.

It was only 60 degrees in New York today... but it's going to get hot. Fast. My supplemental air conditioner is in place. My bangs are grown out to the point of pinning back. But unless you can help me find some clothing that fits my criteria (and my budget - did I mention this stuff must be inexpensive?), I'm going to be wearing wool pants and long sleeve cardigans all summer long. Hellllllppppppp Meeeeeee.

18 comments:

Meghann said...

I share in your clothing frustrations, but fortunately live in a mild enough climate where I can still get away with layering. I suggest Gap Curvy bermudas and capris. I think you might even wear the shorts. that's all I've got for you.

e said...

If you find the solution(s), it would be awesome of you to tell me what they are, because that might be the only way I'll find it(them) myself. I'm afraid layering might be a necessary evil... Tell me it isn't so!

laceyJ. said...

C'mon girl- you've got great fashion sense, AND you live in NYC, so I know you can find lots of great things...

Remember last summer you were on a skirt kick? That was sure cute- you can always try that again.

(I was just in Gap and found lots of cute stuff.)

Lee said...

A rued truth: "No heather gray. Nothing screams "I have a mild-to-moderate sweating problem" like a heather gray t-shirt in mid-July."

I have nothing to add, though. The only thing I know about women's fashion is: Less is more, unless you are talking about skin revealed.

lisa said...

Angie, it's like you are inside my head. These are the exact rules I have for myself. Skirts are the answer, in my opinion. I don't even try capri pants on anymore because they never look good on me. And sleeves! The sleeve issue in the summer is the worst. Maybe you and I should design a clothing line that encompasses our rules!

Jon and Annalisa said...

Possibly the best post I've ever read.

Sarah said...

I adore you. Here's a dilemma for you: I have similar rules but would like to add: clothes must be cool enough for hot, desert weather, but warm enough for a sub-zero office. Good luck!

Rupper Family said...

I was just hating all those clothing designers who've obviously overlooked my needs. Right now I just want basic t-shirts that entirely cover my buddha belly, and bottoms that don't cut off the blood supply to half of my body, and that stay up when I bend over-a simple request, and yet, I'm finding reasons not to leave the house so I can stay home and in my pjs.

There's your answer, just decide to never leave the house, it's working for me.

Jill said...

my vote: embroidered mexican tops and dresses. i've been ebaying like a crazy person.

also forever 21.

i'm going to be sticking to dresses this summer. nice and cool. still looking nice.

breckster said...

I share your pain! Except for I'm going to be hugely pregnant, so I just went ahead and bought some clothes that mildly broke rules... now I need to find some white fabric to cover up what maternity clothes designers think is a pregnant woman's best asset, otherwise I'm going to be cursing my chest all summer for making me layer.

Emily said...

I second Sarah's added rule and would like to add one more: necklines - must be high enough in the back to hide hump, high enough in the front to hide scars, yet flattering enough to show off a nice set of tas. Wish me luck.

Brian Hall said...

I think that what you're really lacking here is a flair for the multi-cultural! How about a kaftan? Perhaps a sarape? Sarong? Muumuu? Indigenous reed-and-twine loin cloth? Really, if it's good enough for India/Hawaii/Mexico/Amazon River delta/other unimaginably hot place, isn't it good enough for New York?

sarah wood said...

"husky nurse" would be my band name. Classic.

Must tell you...my daughter is obsessed with crisp blanket edges...it's freshman year all over again.

Jessica said...

I bought a ton of simple cotton dresses last year from target. I too share the Capri delima. I sometimes just breakdown and wear them, because I have banned shorts as well. I think since the fourth grade.

Jed and Kate said...

Took me a little while, but I just came a cross your blog. I just added a link from my blog to yours...hope you don't mind!
-Kate

life according to celia... said...

hilarious!! yes, what ever happened to sleeves?!? have they literally fallen off the face of the planet? i've never liked summer fashion because i feel it would be an injustice to mankind if i walked around half naked. maybe when i was 21... but definitely not now. anyway, when it comes to summer, i personally stick to vintage dresses. i get the lightweight (yet, not sheer) fabric, the flouncy knee length skirt, the proper sleeves, and a whole bunch of, "oh my god, where did you get that dress?!?". it's a win win situation. don't even get me started on capris....
ps: somehow stumbled on your blog today and i love!

Elisabeth (and Tyler) said...

I'm stalking you, I hope you don't mind :) Your blog is my new favorite. Ever.

Heidi Sanchez said...

I am so glad to hear someone else has the same problem as I do... good to know.