the anti-plural conspiracy

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Having houseguests for four days feels a bit like Christmas. Lots of excitement and build up and then it passes quickly and you're left with a bunch of leftover cookies and a mountain of wrapping paper. That's not to say my guests left behind a mess. No, no. They were very tidy.

But what they did actually leave behind is a bunch of magazines -- the kind you only buy when you're bored in the airport and you have a six hour flight ahead of you. The blasted things were left on my coffee table and I've been reading them ever since. And here's what I'm finding:

Fashion and beauty editors hate plurals. They loathe two of anything. Check out this quote I found:

"This year, the Emmys were all about the nude lip, paired with a smokey eye."

First of all, really? That's what the Emmys were all about this year?
Secondly, why just one nude lip and one smokey eye? Is it uncool to talk about the face as if it has matching parts?

Let me guess: the Emmys were also (but not ALL) about a slim pant and a strappy shoe.

Something about this just makes my skin crawl. It's the same way I feel when I hear someone say "mature," but they pronounce it "matoor." Or when dress pants are referred to as "slacks." Were the Emmys all about the black slack this year? Gross. I can't believe I would actually prefer "dress pant" in this scenario.

I'll tell you who else is in on this singular trend: Victoria's Secret. They're always asking me if I want to find out how to get a free panty during my birth month. A FREE PANTY. I cringe/giggle every time I hear that word. I'm either easily irritated or just really immatoor.


Jill said...

oh man. now that you point it out, all i can say is... how right you are.

ok, one more thing: i think you're starting a new makeup trend. i'll quickly comply.

Will said...

I blame Stacy and Clinton. They're always pairing a boot with a jean, or a pointy heel with a longer trouser. I don't even know what a single trouser would look like, but it kind of sounds like a dog breed: "hey, did you hear that the Petersons got a new dog? Yeah, it's a trouser mix..."

Reno said...

Bwahahahaha! I want a trouser puppy so bad. A trouser puppy with a floppy ear and a large paw.

Emily said...

Ok between you and Will I am getting a side ache! This post was hilarious. Since the fashion industry insists on singularizing everything, perhaps we should start referring to clothes as 'clo'? Which incidentally is something I used to say when I was little - if I got one new dress for my barbie, it was a new barbie clo.

Reno said...

Hee - so funny you mention that! Check out this post from my friend Tara:

Meghann said...

hee hee hee...giggle giggle. I'm still laughing. I'm glad mine and emily's visit left you with blog content. I've missed you!

Lacey Jane said...

I've missed your blogging too Angie! But, I'll admit, I purposely use "slacks" and "matoor" on purpose because of how ridiculous both words are...

Brian Hall said...

Yeah, that photo is going to give me nightmares. I mean, no offense or anything, but there's something about a drastically asymmetrical face that's just creepy.

The singular/plural thing is annoying in the fashion world, but let's hope it doesn't spread to other areas.... I don't know.... say.... medicine.

"You have cancer in a lung."
"Which lung?"

Or imagine getting a breast implant, a tooth whitening, or a hair plug.

Lee said...

Hot pic, but I have to admit that I have been thinking lately that we pluralize too many things.

While I put on my pants, I only put on a shirt. Both are one piece of clothing, both have two openings for limbs. Maybe we should just start calling them top clothes and bottom clothes, except of course, it would be top cloth and bottom cloth. This way neither the pluralizers nor the singulizers gets offended. Also, boys might be happier because getting a girl out of her panty seems a less daunting task than getting her out of her panties. Then again, getting into a gal's pant might not seem like the accomplishment that achieving entry into her pants is.

Lee said...

I should add that I agree that eyes, lips and ears should be pluralized, except of course, for pirates, Audrina Partridges and Van Goghs.

What about when a word like 'both' or 'two' is precedes a word? adding an 's' seems redundant. Why not, "You have cancer in both lung."? "She was a jerk, so I flipped her both middle finger." See what I am saying here? This is what I meant to write in my first comment, but I got sidetracked by perv talk, as per usual. Then, while rectifying my gaffe, I thought of the Van Gogh joke, which then inspired the Partridge crack.

I'm so sorry. I hope this never gets read.

Jessica said...

The P word is a swear word in our household! And speaking of pronunciation, human being said uman! It drives me out of my mind!!!!!

::rae:: said...

ha ha ha. I can't stop laughing at how true this is! The photo of the smokey eye and nude lip was the icing on the cake! Thanks for the laugh!