i'm not from these parts

Did you know New Yorkers say "waiting ON line" instead of "waiting IN line?" This can be confusing at times. Like say for instance, when you're standing near the registers at the grocery store and someone asks, "Are you online?" and you're all, "Ummmm. no. I'm just standing here, waiting to buy these groceries. Why, do they have free WiFi here?"

Other things:

In Flight of the Conchords, Bret and Jemaine live on the lower east side, near Chinatown. Right here:


I saw a B-list celebrity while wasting my life at the DMV. Remind me to add him to The List. Frankly, I've been a little disappointed in the celebrity-spotting so far. I guess I'm not really hanging out in the right areas. Also, celebrities don't ride the subway. It's a shame, really. I'd love to see Renee "I Smell Poo" Zellwegger snuggle up on the evening uptown 1 train with Bob "I Smell Like Poo" McNeverShowers.

We sort of saw Barack Obama and John McCain two nights ago. They spoke at Columbia and while we didn't win the opportunity to see them in person, we did watch the worst projection simulcast ever. It had two settings: "Sepia tone with no sound," or "Full color, with slow-traveling horizontal face-distorting wave and periodic loss of sound." Sadly, both versions came with "outspoken McCain-hater hungry for attention" in the audience.

Yesterday, I offered my Mister $5000 to drink the remaining contents of a Gatorade bottle nestled between subway tracks. The contents can only be described as "yellowish." He accepted, but because paying him meant taking $5000 out of our bank account just so he could deposit it right back into the same account, we decided to just let it go. I wish someone else would start offering him money to do gross things. We could really get somewhere.

I think I have a crush on Dyson. First it was their sexy space-age vacuums. And now this:


Now I don't have to wipe my hands on my pants in the movie theater restroom! Oh, Dyson Airblade. You fetching creature.

Excerpts from a takeout menu I found on the porch:
What people are saying about Hunan Park Chinese Restaurant:
"The beast kept secret in Manhattan!"
"There is a different between food prepare with a living hand and a good heat."

General Tso's Shrimp:
Delicate unexcelled dish crunch shrimp light breaded deep friend expertly cooked over a high frame & Blended w. tangerine.

We can alter the spicy!

And finally... you wanna see pictures of our place? Oh, awright!