i doubt it's serious

Thursday, January 10, 2008

When you have a friend who is an unrepentant hypochondriac, you are constantly saying things like:

It's not your prostate, Emily.
No, I don't think you can get a tapeworm from Grape Nuts.
Just because you couldn't think of your cousin's name, doesn't mean you have Alzheimers.
It's impossible to O.D. on anti-oxidants.

So, when your hypochondriac friend tells you she thinks she has cancer, you quite confidently say something to the effect of:

You don't have cancer. Look, if you have cancer, I will shave my head in solidarity with you during chemo. Okay?


Thankfully, Emily is incredibly forgiving and understanding... and she's just as vain as I am. She isn't going to hold me to it. I hate to admit how scared I was when I realized (weeks after the fateful offer and the unexpected results of her tests) I might have to follow through. I considered never mentioning it again. I considered going through with it. I finally settled on NOT going through with it and mentioning it.

Me: So, you remember how a couple of weeks ago, I said that if you really had cancer...

Her: Oh gah, you're not really going to do that, are you?

Me: Ummm, don't I have to?

Her: No. I wouldn't do it for you.

And that was all I needed to hear.

It seems horribly unfair, though. She clearly has the superior head of hair. I've thought about shaving my head a million times, thinking I'd rather just start over than try to make sense of this crap. While Emily has thick, shiny, luxurious locks that look good even after three days of no washing, I have the hair of a Chinese Crested. But I guess cancer doesn't really care how rad your hair is before it decides to take up residence in your ta-tas and start blowing stuff up.

Emily, if it were possible for you to outsource your side effects, I would totally take that one. Like Carrie Underwood says, "It Shoulda Been Me." I don't think Carrie Underwood actually says that, but it seems like something she'd say, doesn't it?


lisa said...

I know it's not the point, but that is a lovely picture of you.

The Bruces said...

I agree with Lisa. I've never seen this photo of the two of you and it is beautiful. I know Emily is going to look great bald, in hats, in wigs, and whatever else she decides to adorn her head with. You're right...cancer is not prejudice with hair or anything else for that matter. It just F*%!ing sucks for everyone close to it.

This is a great post Angie. And I know it will make Emily laugh which is so important right now.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

I still maintain that the best way to honor me during this is for those who have hair to keep it, enjoy it and appreciate it! There is no reason anyone should be bald unless they have to be.

I love this picture of us, but it does make me wish that one of the side effects of chemo could be "causes the eyes to appear open in photographs".

Jessica said...

Leave it up to you to find humor and cause laughter when times can be hard. And that is just the kind of friend everyone needs! It is a great picture of you.

So photogenic. Not fair.

natali said...

emily best of luck with treatment! and i have always been suspicious of grape nuts.

love.boxes said...

Emily.. I'm so sorry. A good friend of mine just went through this in 2007 and is cancer free for 2008. May you heal and be well and very well very soon.

Denise said...

So I clicked on the "chinese crested" and just laughed so hard. Where do you come up with this stuff? I LOVE reading your blog. I'm so sorry for your friend.

sarah at twolooseteeth.com said...

I think you should still buy neon colored wigs in solidarity. That's true friendship. And yes, that picture is lovely. You're lovely.

Project X said...

Ha! Chinese Crested! Nature's way of saying, "C'mon, your hair isn't THAT bad."

You're both gorgeous.

(That photo almost does you justice).

Lee said...

Wait....Vampire Weekend? I only have two songs. Can you give me more?