a bad idea for window placement

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

My neighbor is nude. I know it isn’t her fault. She’s just trying to shower. It isn’t her fault she has a feebly-frosted window IN her shower. I understand the need for natural light in a bathroom setting (without it, how would we pluck our eyebrows properly?), but I’d like to know who thought this window arrangement was a good idea. An unassuming, natural light-loving, bathroom-remodeling homeowner? A torso fetishist architect? Either way, I think it’s a He. My other guess is that he used to live in my house. He probably stood at the top of the stairs (like I do sometimes) staring out at the building across the yard… ogling. Only I wasn’t ogling at first. I was noticing the stand-up cardboard figure of Legolas in the apartment downstairs. I thought, “My neighbor looks like one of the Nelson twins!” Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. I was really hoping for Gunnar.

I realize I just said “at first,” which suggests that my initial “noticing” of Gunnar downstairs eventually turned into legitimate ogling upstairs. I don’t think it did. Or has. But you just try to tear your eyes away from a nude neighbor (NN). It’s impossible. Plus, it looks like she has a cool tattoo. I think it’s a dragon. Or Yosemite Sam playing basketball. Hard to tell. The frosted window succeeds at obscuring tattoos, but (sadly, for my NN), not nipples or back fat.

As NNs go, it could definitely be worse. I had an across-the-street neighbor in San Francisco who must have been some kind of public speaker. He would pace around his apartment (curtains drawn wide) in his unreasonably tight white briefs and tucked-in undershirt, chastising or lecturing or conducting an invisible orchestra. Again, hard to tell. Not because his windows were frosted, but because I couldn’t read his lips. Clearly, this sight wasn’t particularly pleasant, but I couldn’t look away.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I invite nudity. Maybe my neighbors feel really comfortable with me and they don’t mind dropping the proverbial towel. They know I’ll accept them, with their many flaws and strange arm movements and their pacing. That makes me feel better about ogling, which I wasn’t doing, but might now that we’ve established they don’t mind.

P.S. If you live on Third Avenue in a brick building with green shutters… I have a question for you: dragon or Yosemite Sam? Call me.


emily said...

Two things:

1. I wanted to be the first to post a comment, so yay for your first comment!
2. I can't believe you've never mentioned your NN to me before. Hours and hours on the phone and not when mention of nudity next door? I'm shocked and saddened. And strangely intrigued.

reno said...

NN is a fairly recent discovery. Like, four days ago.

becky said...

i wonder if i was ever a NN to anyone

Jessica said...

Great, another blog to take up my time! Only kidding! When I saw that you started one I was actually excited b/c I know it is going to be interesting to read. As for mine, i keep mine private b/c it is so damn boring. I am thinking of moving it over here from my other blog location.
P.S. I hate the pic of wombat. That does him no justice. They actually are cuter in the standing position!

Anonymous said...

MORE blogs please!!! I want MORE!!!!

Krispy said...

I didn't tell you this, but I totally wanted to get naked at girls' night. When you left, so did the urge. Now I know why.